For 20 plus years, I was unpredictable.

I would seek out opportunities to deliver at the last minute.  Stay up for 3 days doing an entire semester’s worth of work right before the deadline.  I lived for this sensation.

Unpredictable and spontaneous.  I thought those were personality traits, but now I realize they were symptoms.

Life, for me, is so much better when I am in a structured, predictable pattern.  I’m at my worst mentally and emotionally when I don’t exercise or after eating poorly for a few days.  I used to think that those suggestions were just some programmed response doctors were trained to say.

Waiting until the last minute is still a compulsion, but I try to avoid acting on it.  I was creating stressful situations where there was none.  Concocting a competition to win or an obstacle to overcome, just to be in stress.  I needed that pressure, like a drug addict.

For years, I’ve been avoiding the battles that matter by starting fights that don’t.

Doing the easy things, ignoring the difficult ones.

This path left me unfocused and giving less than my best with no margin for error.

Now, I see that “margin” as what matters the most.  Giving yourself the flexibility to fail is liberating.  That margin is where learning happens.  That little cliche describes the freedom to be creative.  Its all the crumpled up pages of sketch paper in the artists trash can.  All the B-side tracks that never leave the recording studio. Turkey sandwiches for dinner after the 2 hour experiment  in the kitchen didn’t yield anything that looked remotely close to the picture in the cook book.

Imagine a world where you only get one chance to get it right with everything that you do.  Its counter to human nature.

Failure isn’t always good, but when there is room for it in your life, it represents the potential for something positive in the future.

Having a gameplan. Getting things done.  Learning.  Failing.

I’m done rationalizing my skill of failing.  Thanks for reading.