Beyonce is my dentist.

Don’t be jealous.

She’s undercover, but I know the truth.  She was singing, yesterday, while drilling into my teeth.

Right as she was stabbing my gums with a lidocaine injection, “Celebrate good times, come on…”, began playing on the radio.  I started to laugh and then the needle stole my attention.

The sound of a dental drill hurts my feelings.

Which comes to my first point.  Brush yo teeth.

For more advice on life, including wearing deodorant, buying property, etc., see the  “Read a book” music video (NSFW) from 2007.

Every word Seth Godin says is pure gold.

It’s ridiculous.

Here’s a few recent posts that amazed me for one reason or another.

First, organize 1,000

1,000 people willing to try a new restaurant you find for them gives you the ability to make an entrepreneur successful and change the landscape of your town.

What a great point.  Start here.  Plant a seed that grows in many directions.

He gives some grant examples of applying this concept, as well.

Fear of bad ideas

The problem is that you can’t have good ideas unless you’re willing to generate a lot of bad ones.

This is one of the most difficult concepts to impress on other people, especially in the web world.  Instead of making an attempt, gathering analytical data and revising, we’ve all been trapped in failed projects that were too inflexible from day one.

I truly believe failing quickly and re-evaluating is the best way to get something right.

Get a review copy of my new book

My US publisher is not sending free review copies to magazines (the few that are left), newspaper editors, TV shows, any of the usual media suspects. Instead, we’re allowing people like you to raise their hands and, if they like the book, asking them to tell the world about it in January.

They raised $100k in less than 24 hours asking for people to donate in exchange for reviewing his book.  That goes to show you the reach and influence this man has on the marketing world.  He preaches patience and building with value and he obviously follows his own guidelines.  55,000+ RSS feed subscribers on Google Reader.

Verdict.

Seth Godin is cooler than Oprah.

And he’s not a quitter either.

I don’t think I’ve applied for a position using Career Builder in the past 2 years, but occasionally I will get emails from them.

CareerBuilder.com Job Matches

Here’s the list:

• Lotus Notes Domino Developer
• Oracle DBA
• Oracle Applications DBA
• Systems Security Engineer
• Marketing Management Senior Manager
• Information Technology Services
• UI Designer & Web Developer
• Interactive Designer
• Sr. Oracle DBA

I guess any reference to database experience is going to trigger the flood of Oracle gigs.

If I ever called myself a “designer”, what I meant was, I’ll call my graphics designer and convert his work to html/css.  Sorry CB if I didn’t make that clear.

I’m just glad they didn’t waste a stamp sending me this list.

Their unsubscribe was easy enough.

“This message is for Tim.  Your [insert make/model] digital camera that you ordered through Amazon is out of stock.  Please call us back and let us know if you would like that digital camera in blue or red instead.  1-800-XXX-XXXX.” — 6ave.com

Does anyone else see the problem with calling shoppers in the middle of December and reciting what they ordered in the message they leave?

I ordered something on the internet, I would consider using the same medium to handle future customer service issues.

I was looking for an eye doctor in the St Louis area.

If you need a niche to sell some quality web work in STL, there it is.  Lotsa bad websites (see http://www.stlvision.com)

Clarkson Eyecare has a form to schedule an appointment from their website.  I filled out the form, including the field “best time to contact you”.

“after 5pm Mon. – Fri, all day Sat-Sun”.

Any guesses what time they called to schedule my appointment again?

11:41am.

The “schedule an appointment” form really just means send an email to schedule a sales call.  No big deal, but I am using their website.  If I wanted to schedule an appointment on the phone, I would have called them initially.

They may want to revisit their website soon.  I think they are missing out on a lot of business for various reasons.

Flash navigation. Yikes.

Accessibility issues galore on a site whose target audience includes those with visual impairments.

Bad marketese copywriting. Not rewritten for the web.

Conversion pages with high barrier of entry. All the forms are complicated.

I know they paid out the ass for those green-screened, auto-starting video monologues that I pause as soon as I can find the  button.  That money would be better spent testing variations of their pages, forms and special offers to optimize their site for conversions.  That’s the cool thing about money, you are free to spend it however you please.

They have a lot of calls to action, which is good.

I ended up going to Clarkson Eyecare, anyways.

They showed me a picture of my retinas, which was pretty crazy.  They also didn’t dilate my eyes to do that exam or blow air in my eyes for glaucoma testing.  I got a good deal on glasses, too, and the sales lady was really helpful.

Crappy website. Less crappy than most area competitors except maybe Crown Vision.

Good in-office experience.

I would, however, be willing to help along their online presence in exchange for say… Lasik.

</bribe>

Some things are unavoidable.

Paying taxes is one of those things.

Death is another, apparently.

I propose we add a third “requirement”, punishable by taxes and/or death.  Every american must actively update their Amazon Wishlists.

We buy crap for people.

We like getting crap from people.

The process of communicating to others what you already have and what you currently desire is ridiculous.  There is all these unwritten political correctness loaded into the questions about what you want.

You can’t tell your rich uncle you really want his 2009 Lexus that he’s in a hurry to offload before the year turns 2010, even though it is the truth.

With completed wishlist, who knows what generous miracle of a gift you might end up with.

I hate guessing.  Maybe if I gave out mouse pads that said “Update your Amazon Wishlist or your getting a mousepad next year”, people would help me, help them.

Also, I hereby claim copyright on that idea, Amazon.com, contact me for through the comments for information on where to send royalty checks.  Thanks.

I launched this domain a long time ago (4 years ago).

Record created on 2005-11-07 12:48:40.

Up until 40 days ago or so, this site was powered by ancient WordPress and about as useful as office space in Chernobyl.

Effectively no links exist to this site.

WordPress uses Akismet for filtering spam comments and this site is giving Akismet a breather.

My site has more actual comments than filtered spam comments.  If my goal were to actually develop an audience (rather than simply a 60 day challenge for generating content), I would be failing in a big way.

The lack of spam comments gives off a lot of clues that something is really wrong.

I have watched every episode of the First 48 on A&E.

If you aren’t familiar with it, the show follows around homicide detectives from before they arrive on scene, through the first 48 hours of their investigation.

At the end, they typically update the case with “19 year old, Joe Smith was found guilty of 3 counts of murder.  He was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole”.

Joe Smith could have shot 2 or 3 people during a robbery, but when I see “without parole” I still cringe.  In some sick way, I’m hoping that Joe “the mass murderer” Smith has a change of heart in prison and wins an appeal at 80 years old and gets to see the world again.

I struggle with the idea of forever, even in the most ridiculous scenarios, like joe random gangster on a crime reality show.

It must be a sickness.

A smart dude like Bill Frist can transplant hearts and lungs for a living, make a lot of money and poof, he’s qualified to help run our country.

“Don’t worry, I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night …” .

He went to Princeton, therefore, he’s all knowing, I get it.

I only point out Frist because he touched an issue that affects me (UIGEA), but this is a common scenario with many congressman, I’m sure. (See Ron Paul, OB/GYN/Congressman)

He’s a christian, so he’s obviously a moral guy.  So moral and smart that he feels compelled to protect all of us heathens from ourselves.  Playing poker on the internet is for the devil.

Actually, if you play poker on the internet, “the terrorists win”.  Why else would the UIGEA be on the Safe Port Act?

This is a very sneaky internet marketing trick that some will employ to stir the pot, generate some hype and hopefully push a fraction of the crowd into doing something actionable.  It is fairly risky in the sense that you are dangling a client’s reputation on a thin thread for, in most cases, a marginal response.

The Linkbait and Switch-Hero Technique Checklist

1. Start a fight with a competitor in your client’s niche via Social Media using an account that does not directly communicate your relationship with that client publicly.

2. Publicize that encounter as a case study for other’s to take note. (blog post + tweets linking to post)

How NOT to Use Social Media for Your Pizza Business

3. Enter the conversation as “the hero” using your client’s social media account, pretending to be disgusted by the competitors negative reaction.

4. Update the initial blog post pronouncing your client as the hero including something actionable. (eg. Special Offer )

5. Monitor the comments closely. Do not approve any comments suggesting the truth.

Well played, Mr. Hanke.  Well played.