Is there a concept more powerful or omnipresent in this life?

Its feared and celebrated.  Depressing and liberating.

Death can represent both success and failure.  The best and worst outcome.  The goal. The beginning or the end.

The context is important.  Its one man’s comedy and another’s statistic, source of income or devastation.

Death is the culmination of bad choices, decisions or misinformation.  The result of poor timing and bad luck.  Weak genes.  Unhealthy environments.  Stupidity.  Time.  Inaccurate plans.  An act of mercy or violence.  A lapse in judgement.  An ounce of indecision.  A mistake.  A sacrifice.  A misunderstanding.

A time stamped on a piece of paper or a list of names and faces in the paper.  A short summary of people assumed to love you in life and miss your presence in the future.  A sentence describing the role in society that defined you.  Its a stone representing the range of time you occupied Earth.  Pictures serve as the proof.  Stories of the good times.  Memories are shared, as time passes, less frequently and only a few survive.

Its spiritual. Physical. Emotional. Even Magical.

Death is motivating.  It moves people to do amazing things.  Architecture. Religion. Music & art. Its a driving force in science and medicine. Politics and punishment. Finance and astronomy.

It bends our perception of the world.

Its the focal point and the finish line.

Sometimes its easy to forget, that life is cooler than death.

Advice I should follow:

Always treat other people as if it is their last day on earth.

“Do you want me to write you a script for Ambien?  There is a generic.”, the doctor asked me.

I have no clue.  I’ve never taken a sleeping pill.  He’s the doctor.  This question blows my mind temporarily, but I accept the invite and we’re off.

Ambien is great.  I get sleepy, lay down, fall asleep, 7 hours later…. I wake up.  Perfect.

Prior to this miraculous $5/per month co-pay, I would lay down, roll over twelve times, get up, repeat for an hour or three.

There is side-effects to mention.  The “I get sleepy” part is all over the map.  Sometimes it equates to me stumbling around my apartment.  Other times its me sitting in the recliner giggling about something that happened in the third grade that I can’t quite communicate to anyone else.   The next day I try to piece together the final 30 minutes of the night before, its a fun game.

Last night, I decided to start the 30 minute countdown about 10pm.  Pop an ambien.  Check my email for the last time (its a compulsion).

Donnie ______ has added you as a friend on facebook.

I had watched a show on LSD earlier that evening and they had described the paranoia, anxiety and hallucinations that were experienced in bad trips.  I was trying to think of ways to verify that I was awake and aware of reality.  Holy shit.  I think I am insane, at this moment.

Here’s the thing.  Donnie and I grew up really good friends.  He chose one path, I took another.  I always hoped that we’d both grow up and we’d both make it out alright.

Three years ago, I mentioned his name to a mutual friend.  His response:

“You didn’t hear?  Donnie is dead.  He got decapitated in a car accident a year ago.”

Our lives had diverged, but all of my boyish hopes were crushed in my living room by a slightly tactless explanation of how the life of a friend, ended.  Over the past couple years, I searched to validate that rumor, but came up empty.

This morning, I wake up 7 hours later, as scripted by the generic ambien.  I walked to the kitchen and poured a bowl of cereal.  Piecing together the final 30 minutes of the previous night…

Either. there is LSD in generic ambien or a dead guy added me as a friend on Facebook.

I frequently point people to checkout an amortization calculator when discussing mortgages and buying homes.  They have shown me how little I knew about personal finance, debt and money in general.  Playing around with loan calculators saved me about $10,000 on student loans.  That little win motivated me to try and be less ignorant about money and do some research.

So, here is a rough (enlightening) example of just how much information can be learned about future decisions from one of these things.

Magically, your total costs equaled exactly $200,000 for a new home.  You have no down payment and your lender isn’t making you get private mortgage insurance because of it (aka, this is not a “real” scenario, only for simplicity sake).

Your only decision is choosing a 15 year or 30 year repayment plan.

30 year

Lets assume 5.2% (from bankrate.com)

$1098.22/mo

Not too bad.

Where are we after 5 years?

Interest paid: $50,863.61

Balance: $183,872.08

Five years & $68k later, we now own about 8% of our $200k home.

15 year

a slightly lower rate: 4.5% (bankrate.com)

Our minimum payment increases to $1530/mo ($432 more than 30 year).

Lets see where we are at after 5 years of paying.

Interest paid: $39,980

Balance: $146,651

The obvious thing, is more money was paid.

$83,329 ($3000/year more).

BUT

$11k less was spent on interest. And now you own 27% of your $200k home, instead of just 7%.

Take a quick peak at the last line of the amortization schedule.

On the 30 year mortgage, you will have paid $395,359.83 for a $200,000 home.

15 year: $275,397.58 for the same $200,000 home.

The end result?  Spending an extra $432/month will save you approx $120,000 by not eating out as much, canceling the movie tier on your cable package and brewing your own coffee. If you end up with a larger surplus than $432, you will end up saving another $5-6k for every additional $100 you add to your monthly mortgage payment.

Disclaimer:  I don’t know anything about personal finance.  I’m just trying to learn.  This entire post is only highlighting certain interesting points in time of the report the amortization schedule shows us.  Don’t mistake this post as advice.  By all means, stimulate the economy, bitch about your debt, overdraft fees and your 11th maxed out credit card.

A few years ago, I was ready to sign over my life for a home with no knowledge beyond “how much do I pay per month”.   I’d be really pissed off knowing what I know now, if I had made that mistake.

He was planning on showing me screenshots of those 4 or 5 apps in a theme for gnome-shell.

I just started listing the apps I always have running:

• firefox
• pidgin
• terminal
• rhythmbox
• tomboy

At this point, I realized “5 is impossible” to limit myself to.

• ssh
• chrome
• git/gitg/cola
• xdebug
• firebug
• apache
• php
• postrgesql

“Thats the bare essentials”, I said.  But wait, I’m a liar. So I continued.

• perl
• patch
• meld
• vim
• OpenOffice spreadsheet
• rsync
• htop

Then, there is the proprietary ones:

• gmail
• google calendar
• activestate komodo ide
• google reader
• vmware server / virtualbox

Don’t ask the guy with adhd to list his most used apps.  Then, I started wondering which ones I could live without.  If my computer was on fire and I had the only copy in the world of my favorite apps and all the backups were on clicking seagate 7200.11 hard drives and I could only save five apps, what would they be?

I just re-read that “sentence”.

Diagnosis: Insane.

I was a happy dude.

One “problem”.  I had $10,000, mostly in $20 bills, that I had to successfully walk to my car with.  At midnight.  On a popular, downtown strip. With no bag or coat.

So, I stuffed the brick of cash in my back pocket and began the hurried walk towards my car.  I made it about 10 yards out the door before a man walks up to me and introduces himself.

“Hi. My name is Jonathon ____… I am obviously homeless”.

I hate homeless people.  I have many preconceived ideas about the homeless, regardless of how valid they might be.  Typically, I am of the opinion that giving money to them sustains their current situation, instead of provoking them to seek the proper help for a longterm solution.

I don’t want to enable addicts to be addicts.  Or bums to be bums.  I love people, but I am not the person to solve their problems.  If we all said no, in my convoluted, uneducated mind, I feel we would be pushing them further down the path towards someone who can treat their issues.

But, here I am, standing in an alley. Alone with Jonathon.  With a huge wad of money in my pocket.  A million thoughts went through my head at this moment.  Does he know what I have in my pocket?  Is he going to rob me?  How should I react if he tries?  Should I offer him money or tell him that I have none?

My normal reaction in this situation is usually: “I don’t carry cash”.  This is usually the truth and an easy escape from the real “reasons” I insist on refusing to fund their current status.

But, I suck at lying.  When I lie, I feel like it is obvious for others to read.  And that is an uncomfortable situation I try to avoid.  So, I’m very likely to tell the truth in nearly all situations.  This gets me in trouble a lot, but saves me from preserving half-truths and juggling who I told what, etc.. etc. in the long run.

As he was finishing his polite introduction, I pulled a $20 out of my pocket and handed it to him.  He stopped mid-sentence and looked down at the bill I just handed him.  His reaction was one of shock.  His eyes lit up with excitement.  “Are you sure?”, he asked me.

Before I could answer Jonathon gave me the biggest hug, lifting my feet off the ground.  It caught me totally off-guard.  All I could think was , this homeless dude smells like dryer sheets.

“Thank you so much”, he repeated.  “I can get something to eat”.

Was he really homeless? Was he actually headed off to buy drugs?  Did he swindle me out of $20?  Was he actually hungry?

For the first time, I realized his motivations and intentions don’t matter to me.  For my motivation for giving him $20 was not pure, either.

I preemptively handed over money because I didn’t want a confrontation.  It was the most convenient strategy for me to avoid negative outcomes.  My act of generosity was rooted in self-preservation.

That night I won a $10,000 WSOP main event seat.  I was thrilled to death.  It’s an opportunity I’ve dreamed of since I was old enough to enter a casino.  I’ll fly to Vegas, buyin to the tournament I’ve waited 7 years to play.  Hopefully I’ll create some great memories and maybe even win a little bit of money.

But, a hug from a homeless man named Jonathon is what I will remember the most.

My cold hearted nature towards people I don’t know melted instantly in a moment of my own selfishness.

If I accidentally win a WSOP main event, a homeless man named Jonathon might find out how grateful I am to have met him.

I would seek out opportunities to deliver at the last minute.  Stay up for 3 days doing an entire semester’s worth of work right before the deadline.  I lived for this sensation.

Unpredictable and spontaneous.  I thought those were personality traits, but now I realize they were symptoms.

Life, for me, is so much better when I am in a structured, predictable pattern.  I’m at my worst mentally and emotionally when I don’t exercise or after eating poorly for a few days.  I used to think that those suggestions were just some programmed response doctors were trained to say.

Waiting until the last minute is still a compulsion, but I try to avoid acting on it.  I was creating stressful situations where there was none.  Concocting a competition to win or an obstacle to overcome, just to be in stress.  I needed that pressure, like a drug addict.

For years, I’ve been avoiding the battles that matter by starting fights that don’t.

Doing the easy things, ignoring the difficult ones.

This path left me unfocused and giving less than my best with no margin for error.

Now, I see that “margin” as what matters the most.  Giving yourself the flexibility to fail is liberating.  That margin is where learning happens.  That little cliche describes the freedom to be creative.  Its all the crumpled up pages of sketch paper in the artists trash can.  All the B-side tracks that never leave the recording studio. Turkey sandwiches for dinner after the 2 hour experiment  in the kitchen didn’t yield anything that looked remotely close to the picture in the cook book.

Imagine a world where you only get one chance to get it right with everything that you do.  Its counter to human nature.

Failure isn’t always good, but when there is room for it in your life, it represents the potential for something positive in the future.

Having a gameplan. Getting things done.  Learning.  Failing.

I’m done rationalizing my skill of failing.  Thanks for reading.

With age and larger, longterm projects and added collaboration requirements, my opinion changed.

Managing scope creep.  Mitigating the unexpected. Minimizing the effects of adding a single feature, another developer or environmental (software) change.  Testing.  Security.  Release management. etc, etc…

Add customers, marketing and business goals into that mix and you have a lot going on.

I often see employers advertising job opportunities for web people who think “outside of the box”.

Besides being one of the most overused clichés and inaccurate replacements for “creative”, it is also a bad ideal to have for a web professional in 99.99% of the cases. There are too many constraints and variables for most teams to work effectively when they can’t generally predict what page other members are on.

Unless “thinking outside of the box” means, “constantly analyzes, learns, relearns, and creatively produces the next iteration with the goals in mind”, look for people in or around the box.

“Years of experience” only implies that one has had the exposure and opportunity to learn, refactor and progress.   It isn’t a measure of success and understanding.

Especially when you are referring to software developers, years do not equate to increased skill level.

In a phone interview once, I was asked the question:

How many years of XML experience do you have?

• None.
• 1-3.
• 3-5.
• More than 5

I couldn’t contain myself. I laughed.

Who keeps inventory of every piece of knowledge like that? Fun trivia, I guess.

I know so many web developers that can say, “I’ve been doing this for ten years”, that are working the same way they did ten years ago.

I know dozens of poker players that can say “I’ve been playing this game for thirty years”, that get crushed by studious players who started the game a few months earlier.

Your current skills have an expiration date.  You can either actively develop them or insulate your spoiled perceptions from criticism.

My suggestions?

• Find humility
• Get a role model
• Read a book

I struggled through it, at times, with some less than coherent content.  But, relative to my goal, I was successful.

After a brief media timeout, I intend to resume writing for this domain.  I need to get reorganized and set some new goals.  Without some metric for measuring success, regardless of how trivial it may be, I never feel like I achieved anything.

This site needs some long term objectives.

• Grow an active readership of 100+ users
• Develop a consistent content theme
• Post three times a week for a year

I will have to consider where I am taking things, but until then, frequent random posts is the status quo.

I would like to make website reviews a weekly post.  Craig tells me no one cares about my opinions on religion, politics and the meaning of life, even though I know I’m fully qualified to disseminate the truth.  So, I will keep those to a minimum.

What do the other four readers of this site want to hear from me?

I am downtown St Louis a lot.

Does this make me qualified to suggest places to eat in downtown St Louis?

Of course.

Mango Peruvian Cuisine

I just tried this one for the first time and I will definitely be going back.  The service was a little slow, but it was really amazing food.

Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse

I know its a chain, its expensive & you can’t exactly eat there for lunch.  But, its so good.  I mean, steak with butter.  Sweet potato casserole.

I’d wear a Ruth’s Chris t-shirt ever day if they’d deliver sweet potato casserole to my office for lunch.

Lucas Park Grille

It’s a really cool atmosphere.  I haven’t tried much of their menu, but everything I have tried was promising.  It’s also right next door to my favorite place to eat, so if I’m in the neighborhood, they usually lose out to sushi.

Wasabi Sushi Bar

I’m a sushi noob, but I like everything I’ve tried at Wasabi.  Spider roll and dragon roll, especially.  There menu is really easy to order from, with a lot pictures. Perfect for novice sushi eaters.

Sen Thai Asian Bistro

I wish I could tell you that everything on the menu is good, but I only order Drunken Noodles with Chicken every time I go there.  I would eat it for every meal, every day if it wasn’t such a trek or near Wasabi.

Other places I like to eat downtown:

• SanSai Japanese Grill
• Planet Sub
• Rooster

Places I’d like to try:

• Pappy’s Smokehouse
• Harry’s Downtown
• Kemoll’s
• J Bucks

Place I wish existed downtown:

AUTHENTIC MEXICAN CUISINE.  Zuzu’s, the only mexican place within walking distance open during lunch hour, is pathetic.

I would even settle for a Qdoba.

This was recorded in a room that was formerly known as my bedroom at my parents’ house.

My brother has some skills. I’m glad he’s started sharing them online more frequently.

http://drumn41.wordpress.com

Notice all the 1999 St Louis Rams gear littered throughout the room. ha

One trend that is consistent across all executives where I work is they all feel obligated to or maybe genuinely interested in small talk while in or near an elevator.  Every time.

This always catches me off-guard.  I tend to keep to myself and rarely chat it up with people I don’t know.

“It’s cold out there, huh?”.

I have no flippin’ clue, I haven’t been outside in 6 hours.

“Yup, sure is” and I immediately go back to pretending I’m reading some interesting, work-related email on my phone.

The last time this scenario played out, I got off the elevator wondering who just had the pleasure of an awkward elevator ride with me for 5 floors.  So, I hopped on the intranet and looked around.

It didn’t take long.

I had a feeling it was someone important and it was.

The president of our company.

Add “Researching company executives” to the 2010 To-Do list, right next to “Develop social skills you effing nerd”.

Thanks.

There was some pain, mostly just discomfort from a nasal splint stitched into my nose.  In any case, they prescribed vicodin to me.

I barely feel any different after taking a pill, but it wildly affects my dreams.

I don’t have serial killer, crazy dreams.  They just go off on insane tangents.  Here’s last nights episode.

Four of my fraternity brothers and I are riding on a flatbed train.  We are informed that we have 48 hours to build an oil rig, using the parts and equipment on the train.  After taking inventory of everything, we realize we have no torches for cutting and no welding tools.

One of the guys I was with jumps into a lake to swim back to his truck to get his acetylene torch. We decided to play checkers and wait for him to get back before we got started.

There Will Be Blood, Part 2?

I could probably stretch that storyline out two hours, if anyone in Hollywood is interested.

Retheming a site becomes impossible.

Print and mobile versions are difficult to implement.

Inconsistencies appear between views.

All changes must be duplicated throughout the site.

It’s a mess.

I have been using Inline Code Finder for Firebug and Find/Replace in Komodo IDE to identify all the similar inline code instances.  Then, I am grouping the styles together for reorganization later.

I would love a tool that finds all the inline styles and groups them together by selector for me.

I realize that the employees in these situations are just people at a job.  I appreciate the role they fill.

But sometimes it gets so bad it seems like I’m on a hidden camera show.

When good customer service happens to me, it seems miraculous.  I tell everyone I know immediately.

Here is two fairly recent examples.

Tiffany.com

I got the last minute idea to buy an additional gift for my girlfriend.  It was the night of December 22nd, so I knew shopping online might be risky, if not out of the question.  I was looking for earrings.

Tiffany’s had guaranteed Christmas Eve delivery and my sister gave the thumbs up to the jewelry I had picked out.  I’m fairly clueless when it comes to buying most things that don’t fall under the electronics category, so I seek approval of those with some knowledge.

Hundred-fifty bucks. Buy now. Done.

I had already bought her a digital camera and a few other small things, but I wanted to step outside the realm of electronics and surprise her.

On Christmas eve, I was expecting to receive the package.  They sent an email instead.

Our apologies – Late holiday delivery

… As a gesture of our appreciation for your patience and patronage, we will be sending you a
Tiffany gift card valued at $100 …

That is amazing.  They guaranteed delivery and when they realized they couldn’t follow through, they warned me and threw me a bone.

Sure, the gift card is really 40% off of $250, but the perception and execution was a great marketing plan on their part.

They earned a happy customer who is willing to tell others and it essentially cost them nothing.  They messed up and were honest about it.  That twisted a major letdown into a huge positive for all involved.

Well played.

Lone Star Steakhouse

My girlfriend and I decided to go to Lone Star.  She is a fan of the place, I never really have cared for it much.

We order appetizers and steaks.

Hers medium.

Mine medium-rare.

The server delivered our meal and asked us to cut into them and ensure they were correctly prepared. Mine was well done, but I refuse to complain.  After he left, I asked my girlfriend, “Does this look medium-rare to you?”.

A few moments later, the manager of the store came over and asked us how things were.  I repeated my previous story, “Everythings good”. He replied, “well I understand that your steak wasn’t cooked according to your order”.  Apparently there is microphones in the booths.  That’s a scary possibility.  He offered to replace our meals, which I politely refused.

“Well your meal tonight is on us”.  Our $35 bill evaporated.  That was way more than I would have ever expected.  We both explained to the manager that we really appreciated the consideration.

As we were getting ready to leave the restaurant, another man showed up at our table.  He introduced himself as the general manager and he gave us a gift card for $35 off our next visit, as well.

I hope this above and beyond customer service is a growing trend that catches on everywhere.

Thanks Tiffany’s and Lone Star.

This is a reminder that if you successfully develop a customer, your cost is actually zero.

There has been 60 days of content on simplemotives.com, 50 words or more each, human written.

It has been a lot of fun for me.

I’ve rediscovered an interest in writing.

I will update with a better summary of the 60 day challenge shortly, as well as information on what you can expect from bofe and this blog going forward.

Congrats to me.

Thanks for reading.

So does everyone else.

The music industry attempted to take on music pirates and looked like idiots doing it.

The movie industry attempted to take on pirates and are utterly unsuccessful in doing so.

Game developers try their hardest to thwart pirating, but they are really only trying to buy a few months time around their launch date.

The UFC needs to learn that their audience dictates how they want their content.

The music industry finally got the picture, after years and years of trying to fight digital distribution of media, projects like iTunes and Amazon Music store thrive.

On demand video content is big business that will only get bigger with faster internet speeds showing up everywhere.

Piracy, like drug dealing, is a product of demand.  If you prosecute and incarcerate every current drug dealer in the St Louis area, is the drug problem cured?  No.  Because the demand still exists, therefore a supplier will appear.

A hard concept to grasp is not every person who pirates your content would have actually paid for it without the means of pirating it.

If there is an issue, you need to re-evaluate your business model, not call the FBI.

Asking people to spend $45-55 12 to 14 times per year is significant.  Sure, they put some great fights on Spike TV for free.  And yes, 4-5 guys throwing in $10 on a UFC is a fair price, especially with the card delivers like UFC 108.

I personally struggle dropping $55 for the HD version of a show that I am going to miss because of a previous obligation or something, only to watch DVR’d at a later date.  If it’s not a live event, the hype is no longer there.  Even though I’ve gone out of the way not to be spoiled on the outcomes of the fights, I hear about them in blog post titles, facebook statuses, tweets, espn news ticker and random conversations.  Now, I would expect to pay similarly to the price of movie rental, like $5-10.

Here’s a random idea, have a UFC membership that means something.

$25/month per person

• PPV credits for 6 UFC pay-per-views a year (put two together or share the cost of a PPV with another member)
• Reduced cost DVD/Bluray copy of the PPVs they have ordered
• Free on-demand fights for every show 3 months or older
• Discounted UFC tickets and/or accommodations
• Some special features/characters integration with UFC ’09/’10 video game
• Promotions directly to UFC sponsor websites

I buy 4-5 UFC PPV’s a year when I can organize a group of people to watch it. I frequently hit up Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the fights as well.  But, my total contribution to PPV buys and the UFC is probably in the $250-300/annual range.

Ironically, thats exactly what my direct contribution would be with a subscription plus I would be opening up a channel to market directly to me all year long, which is a gold mine for sponsors.

Things like:

• Knowing who my favorite fighters are
• Do I train mma or wrestling/bjj/boxing/muay thai
• Do I have an Xbox live account
• Twitter integration
• Facebook integration
• Geographic info
• Demographic info

I think its a smarter investment to develop your brand and give your customers value, then to spend that effort defending against an inevitable threat of theft.  Sure, it sucks that your valuable product isn’t paid for by all, but attacking justin.tv isn’t even scratching the surface of effectively ending this problem.

The best solution is to keep adding value that only subscribers reap the rewards of.  Not alienating the fans that are buying the PPV’s, but promoting this as a valuable deal to keep the fighters paid and the cards stacked.

Xbox Live is a good example to follow.

Breathing through your nose is kind of a cool idea.  I wouldn’t really know though.  I’ve never been able to breath normally through mine.

My left nostril is 90% blocked by the piece of cartilage (septum) that divides my nose.

Wearing a mouthpiece kind of sucks, when you can only breath through your mouth. That will be a big plus post-op.

Your nasal passages warm up air before they hit your lungs. My lungs <3 warm air.

I’m curious to see how different things will be.

Olympic athletes go to Denver to train in higher altitudes for the lower oxygen levels.

Frank Mir had his fighters sprint on a treadmill while breathing through a snorkel.

I’ve been existing my whole life in lower oxygen levels.

Through some crazy transitive property, I’m an olympic athlete.

I’m predicting that in two or three weeks, I’ll be borderline super hero.

Or maybe just a dude with two usable nostrils.

Up next… wisdom teeth.

I do a bad job of organizing my posts into categories, which makes it even more useless.

Here’s some things I think I need:

A wider content area.

I currently have to crop images significantly to fit in the content block.  It is also a strange width for including videos.  The fixed width of the current site is a 2004 web style.

Mobile Theme

Since my recent growth in readership (I’ve triggered my Google Analytics alert of 20+ unique visitors 3 times now), I know people everywhere can’t get enough of my content.  Is there a mobile version of the admin interface?  Or a Windows Mobile app for posting/managing content?

Suggested by: @bofe.

More useful navigation.

My categories block is stupid.  I could probably do a better job of categorizing, though, now that I have a decent sample of content to group by.

Recent / Most popular posts block.

Currently, there is no cross promotion of other posts within any given post, unless I manually linked to one.  That’s a problem if I actually wanted to encourage people to read my blog, which I do.

About me page.

I do a poor job of organizing information about who I am.  I currently do that on purpose.  This blog is barely anonymous.

More dynamic meta content.

My blogroll is pretty sad.  I added those two links approx. two years ago.  Bofe quit his blog and Dave Hayes posts a monster blog post tri-annually.

This site needs a lot of work.

This headline on the subject made me laugh a little bit, though.

Some distractions now eliminated.

It’s like “Thank you .gov for taking these distractions off our hands!”.  The law is enacted, therefore 100% compliance ensues.

We didn’t like people getting murdered, so we made it illegal.  And Boom. Now nobody gets murdered anymore.

Handguns are illegal in Chicago.  So now no one in the city of Chicago gets shot by or even owns a handgun.

It’s a fact.

It’s that easy.

All we need is more and more laws to make the shitty state of Illinois, a Utopia.

The other part of this new law makes it illegal to talk on your cell phone in a school zone without a hands-free device.

How exactly are you supposed to end conversations that quickly without knowing where all the school zones are?

Are people with one arm banned from driving?  Because I never have two hands on the steering wheel when driving anyways, on the phone or not.

I can eat, change the radio stations, roll the windows up and down, mess with climate control, slide my seat forward and back, flip people off, pick my nose, drive with my knees, etc. But, I can’t be holding a connected cell phone while my car is near a school zone, where we’ve already been slowed down to 20mph anyways.

Does outlawing a cell phone in our hand really make us more cautious or aware?  I think there is a logical fallacy in there somewhere.

They could have just said, don’t run over little kids.

I have zero will power.  I could be 900lb in a few months time if I were ever left unsupervised.

I was scared to death to get on the scale after that fiasco.

It’s been about 2-3 weeks since I weighed in last.

I lost 1lb.

World champion!

Some are really knowledgeable and straight forward like Erin Eschen.

Others are slightly shady seo people like Will Hanke.

They are all fun reads for me, regardless.

In any case, Will pointed out recent news about Google removing the Local search results for web design and seo firms for related searches.

He states:

No longer will 6 incompetent SEOs be listed alongside my name

This got me curious.

I searched Google for St Louis SEO.

Will ranks #1. Hm…

How competitive is this niche?

www.seostlouis.com and www.stlouis-seo.com both are listed on the first SERP page.

Why is that an interesting barometer for the competitiveness of the St Louis SEO niche?

They are both WordPress installations with no content.

If its really that wide open, I’m tempted to freelance.

Free money.

January is officially surgery month.

Septoplasty and wisdom teeth.

February, braces.

Sucks to be my insurance company.

Hopefully I get to play a World Series of Poker event in June/July in Vegas.  Last year I didn’t get to go because I started the new gig.

I plan on competing in some jiu jitsu tournaments for the first time.

I want to contribute to an open source project of some sort, preferably related to the php community.  We’ll see.

I have a few other surprises to be discussed at a later date.

It shall be a fun one.

Keep the haters away.

I don’t really like watching Rashad fight.  His fights are typically very boring.  He always comes with a good game plan and his wrestling is typically better than anyone he faces.  He can uncoil and explode with powerful strikes, but he’d rather just outpoint his opponents.  I like finishers.  Evans isn’t aggressive enough to fit that mold.

Thiago Silva might bring out the interestingness in Rashad’s game.  Thiago is a finisher.  He is very aggressive with a brutal striking game.

I think Rashad is really well rounded and I know that the edge in wrestling is a big factor in all fights.  The better wrestling determines where the fight takes place.  Rashad will take him down often.

This is a good matchup, but Rashad will spend most of his energy tying up Thiago.  If it goes to a decision, Evans will be the victor. But,

Thiago Silva, Round 1, TKO Referee stoppage

Paul Daley vs. Dustin Hazelett

Hazelett is a cool dude with a very interesting submission game

Paul Daley is a machine with crazy power.

I’d love to see Dustin come out and flying armbar Daley in 8 seconds, but I think Daley is going to smother him.

Daley, Round 2 TKO (ground and pound)

Joe Lauzon vs. Sam Stout

It’s been a long time since we’ve seen J-Lo.

This is an awesome matchup. Sam Stout has tons of experience against tough guys.

Lauzon fights a suffocating style that I love to watch.

I’m a homer.

Lauzon by Decision

Jim Miller vs. Duane Ludwig

I remember Duane Bang Ludwig when he first got into mma.  He was a Muay Thai bad ass learning the mixed martial arts game from one of my favorites, Bas Rutten.  Ludwig was devastating people.  He seemed to fall off the map for a while.  Then, he won a decision over my favorite fighter, Yves Edwards.

Jim Miller is an unknown to me.  He wins most of his fights by submission.

I’ll bite.

Ludwig, KO, Round 2.

Junior dos Santos vs. Gilbert Yvel

Martin Kampmann vs. Jacob Volkmann

Dan Lauzon vs. Cole Miller

Mark Munoz vs. Ryan Jensen

Mike Pyle vs. Jake Ellenberger

John Gunderson vs. Rafaello Oliveira

Looks like a quality card.  I really want to see some of the undercard matchups, so hopefully all the main card fights end in the first round.

I got a great job just before my previous employer cut wages and benefits.

I went on a fun vacation to New Orleans.

I sat on an island with little to no internet or phone for 3 days, eating tons of shrimp the entire stay.

I started swimming again for the first time in a decade.  Learning Total Immersion.

I joined a jiu jitsu school.

I went to my first open source software conference, Zendcon.

I traveled further west than I’ve ever been before, San Jose, CA.  Previously it was Vegas (2006-09) and before that, Kansas City, MO (1994-2006).

I discovered Thai food.

I tried sushi for the first time and became an addict.

I paid off a huge chunk of my student loan debt.

I got organized using Google Calendar.

Healthy. Happy. Employed.

Thanks 2009.

It was amazing.

The glasses were really rockin’, ala Ronald Jenkees or Harry Carey.

The movie was… 2 hours 45 minutes long. I was admiring the various elements of 3D for nearly that entire period of time.

In order to give the movie a proper review, I would need to rewatch the film a time or two. At $12.50 a pop, I send in your donations now.

3D is insane.

I want to create something in 3D, but what.

Wow, it has been a long time since I updated this thing, they typically explain.

This phenomenon occurs everywhere in life. as additional daily requirements and habits enter the mix, the least natural hops of the routine die off.

For me, I went from athlete playing 3 sports to zero. I quit preparing to compete and replaced that effort with other activities, like playing video games and drinking.

When one aspect of a routine changes, we must re-evaluate all the links in the chain.

Being away from the computer for a week has been a significant change. However temporary, it is a part of this challenge I didn’t initially consider.

Fortunately, I like this writing thing. Maybe I’ll take a hiatus and apologize and promise, but it will have to be after January 13, 2010.

I have four fans depending on me.

I would wager a guess that somewhere in the 95% range of new years resolutions fail.

It is kind of cool to have a scheduled date to reflect and reconsider ourselves, yes.

I argue that we should schedule that reflection everyday, not once annually.

For the sake of ritual, my new years resolution is to pick up the guitar more than 5 times in 2010.

I’ve been going a couple times a week in between random injuries, the most painful of which was a bruised rib.

I wrestled for a decade and feel comfortable on a mat.

But, Brazilian jiu-jitsu is not wrestling.  That reality took me a few months to realize.

My parents snagged an item off my Amazon wishlist, “Jiu-Jitsu University” by Saulo Ribeiro.  It has about 2000+ photos and is organized in an interesting way that I am going to take to heart.

Essentially, Saulo’s idea is that a white belt’s goal is to learn to survive in all positions.  That is a concept that I really needed to hear.  I feel comfortable when we are drilling, but as soon as I get put in an unfamiliar position, I’m a fish out of water.

I dug into Saulo’s book and one rolling session later, I already know it has made me so much more aware in those out of position moments I frequently find myself in.

When rolling, I’m going to be the most frustrating, surviving bjj player I can be.  That’s the plan anyways.

The book has been eye opening to me.  There is a decade of learning material in one $25 book.

Thanks mom and dad.

Chalk another win up to the use of Amazon Wishlists.

I want to make it clear that I know quitting is ridiculously difficult.  I also know it’s impossible for someone to quit smoking for anyone other than their own desire to stop smoking and live a healthy life.

A couple weeks ago I watched Dr. G Medical Examiner – 5 Ways Not to Die, or something like that.  #1 was smoking related deaths, 440,000 annually.  It was like 1am in the morning and I felt compelled to call all my friends who smoke.

One of those people told me last night that they are going to quit.

I know saying it and doing it are two entirely different plateaus in the quitting process, but this particular smoker was one who has rejected the idea entirely.

I know I’ve been a bad influence on a lot of people at different points in my life.

Now I’m on a crusade to counter those negatives.

• the roof was leaking from the 24+ hours of rain
• my dad had just spilled coffee
• our mom had just called.  she was upset and having issues with her car a few miles outside of town and needed someone to come help her.

I can only imagine the chaos, as I was headed to work 70 miles from their home.  I would be making the trek there later that evening.

30 minutes before I left work for the holidays, I get a message from a close friend.

Are you OK?

Please tell me I heard wrong?

Did your mom pass away?

My first reaction was, Ha, no way.  But, then my mind started creating the possibilities.

I responded with, “I hope not”.

I immediately pick up my phone and look for a signal.

I call my brother.

Ring… Ring… Ring… “The Verizon customer you are trying to reach has not setup a voicemail box”.

I’m holding my breath at this point.  Fighting off the urge to 100% panic.

My mind is racing through all the scenarios.  The last I knew was she was having car problems, parked on the side of the highway and upset, waiting on my dad to come help her.

Are my family members avoiding my calls until I’m physically present?

What did I last say to my mother?

Will I ever want to celebrate christmas again?

How could I possibly deal with this?

I call my sister.

Ring… ring… ring… “Hello”.

I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I was attempting to gauge her voice for any hint of sadness.  There was none.

I’m calmer, but have convinced myself maybe she doesn’t know yet, either.

I call my mom’s cell phone.

It rings and rings and… “Hi Tim”.

My imagination had nearly caused a stroke.  I’ve never been happier in my life from hearing a hello.

It took the rest of the day to recover from the anxiety that 10 minutes of confusion had created.

After informing my friend she was fine, I asked him:

Are you going to be in town for the holidays?

To which he responded:

Are you going to stab me?

I did get new kitchen shears for christmas.  Just saying.

It seemed to make for a very interesting, artistic reflection of my daily life after I had collected a few hundred posts.  But, I learned most motives aren’t so simple. They are all interconnected.

If I’m motivated by financial gain, is it really that extra buying power that is driving me to work harder to reach that goal?

Does that filter down to some greedy desire to be rich?

Or am I actually interested in something more genuine.

Each thought needs a lengthy, non-interesting back-story or they become open for interpretation and I’m too insecure to defend them all.

Christmas has always been a fun time for me.

I used to love getting presents and being surprised.  My parents have always gone way over the top to make their kids happy.

My dad has always said, “you can spend $10 on me, thats the limit”.

Mom would act thrilled to death if I drew her a stick figure on a napkin with a crayon.  She’d hurry off to find a frame, if I actually were to be so lame.

They’ve sacrificed a lot for us and sometimes I fail to show appreciation for it all.

Reciprocating the joy they’ve given me all of these years is my simple motive this Christmas and everyone after.

All families are crazy, show them love anyways.

Approximately 2 million views with 12,000+ comments.  Both of those figures are pretty amazing to me.

I’d suggest buying both of his albums. Ronald Jenkees (2007) and Disorganized Fun (2009).

Checkout his Youtube channel, too.

Don’t be jealous.

She’s undercover, but I know the truth.  She was singing, yesterday, while drilling into my teeth.

Right as she was stabbing my gums with a lidocaine injection, “Celebrate good times, come on…”, began playing on the radio.  I started to laugh and then the needle stole my attention.

The sound of a dental drill hurts my feelings.

Which comes to my first point.  Brush yo teeth.

For more advice on life, including wearing deodorant, buying property, etc., see the  “Read a book” music video (NSFW) from 2007.

It’s ridiculous.

Here’s a few recent posts that amazed me for one reason or another.

First, organize 1,000

1,000 people willing to try a new restaurant you find for them gives you the ability to make an entrepreneur successful and change the landscape of your town.

What a great point.  Start here.  Plant a seed that grows in many directions.

He gives some grant examples of applying this concept, as well.

Fear of bad ideas

The problem is that you can’t have good ideas unless you’re willing to generate a lot of bad ones.

This is one of the most difficult concepts to impress on other people, especially in the web world.  Instead of making an attempt, gathering analytical data and revising, we’ve all been trapped in failed projects that were too inflexible from day one.

I truly believe failing quickly and re-evaluating is the best way to get something right.

Get a review copy of my new book

My US publisher is not sending free review copies to magazines (the few that are left), newspaper editors, TV shows, any of the usual media suspects. Instead, we’re allowing people like you to raise their hands and, if they like the book, asking them to tell the world about it in January.

They raised $100k in less than 24 hours asking for people to donate in exchange for reviewing his book.  That goes to show you the reach and influence this man has on the marketing world.  He preaches patience and building with value and he obviously follows his own guidelines.  55,000+ RSS feed subscribers on Google Reader.

Verdict.

Seth Godin is cooler than Oprah.

And he’s not a quitter either.

CareerBuilder.com Job Matches

Here’s the list:

• Lotus Notes Domino Developer
• Oracle DBA
• Oracle Applications DBA
• Systems Security Engineer
• Marketing Management Senior Manager
• Information Technology Services
• UI Designer & Web Developer
• Interactive Designer
• Sr. Oracle DBA

I guess any reference to database experience is going to trigger the flood of Oracle gigs.

If I ever called myself a “designer”, what I meant was, I’ll call my graphics designer and convert his work to html/css.  Sorry CB if I didn’t make that clear.

I’m just glad they didn’t waste a stamp sending me this list.

Their unsubscribe was easy enough.

Today, I read something that really compelled me to say something, but:

Commenting is off.

Let’s follow the hops.

I started out reading @CaseySoftware.

Which took me to Open Sourcing Google Page Rank Algorithm.

Where I clicked on  “…effect SEO practices actually have“.

In this article, the author reviewed the top ranking sites for 10 different keywords.  He noted that their HTML markup was awful and inconsistent with some SEO “rules”. Therefore, he concluded, that SEO does not determine a page’s rank, but rather serves as a tie-breaker between pages with the same rank.

Arg.

On-page factors account for a small percentage of a site’s search engine ranking.

I really wanted to post that in the comments, so that others who read his post wouldn’t buy this flawed experiment as the whole truth. But, he said “No commenting allowed”.

Comments can add a tremendous amount of value to your content.

For example, Brandon Savage posted about why there are no enterprise projects written in PHP.  He planned to fix that in 2010 by contributing a bug tracker, VC browser, etc.  In the comments, he was overwhelmed with people suggesting not to reinvent the wheel and to check out Arbitracker.

Without comments enabled, Brandon’s monologue is trivial to me. But, he started a conversation that introduced me to a potentially useful piece of software that I was unaware of until he boldly stated he was going save the world.

If you are sharing an observation, please leave the commenting enabled for others to chime in.

What Matters Now

“This message is for Tim.  Your [insert make/model] digital camera that you ordered through Amazon is out of stock.  Please call us back and let us know if you would like that digital camera in blue or red instead.  1-800-XXX-XXXX.” — 6ave.com

Does anyone else see the problem with calling shoppers in the middle of December and reciting what they ordered in the message they leave?

I ordered something on the internet, I would consider using the same medium to handle future customer service issues.

If you need a niche to sell some quality web work in STL, there it is.  Lotsa bad websites (see http://www.stlvision.com)

Clarkson Eyecare has a form to schedule an appointment from their website.  I filled out the form, including the field “best time to contact you”.

“after 5pm Mon. – Fri, all day Sat-Sun”.

Any guesses what time they called to schedule my appointment again?

11:41am.

The “schedule an appointment” form really just means send an email to schedule a sales call.  No big deal, but I am using their website.  If I wanted to schedule an appointment on the phone, I would have called them initially.

They may want to revisit their website soon.  I think they are missing out on a lot of business for various reasons.

Flash navigation. Yikes.

Accessibility issues galore on a site whose target audience includes those with visual impairments.

Bad marketese copywriting. Not rewritten for the web.

Conversion pages with high barrier of entry. All the forms are complicated.

I know they paid out the ass for those green-screened, auto-starting video monologues that I pause as soon as I can find the  button.  That money would be better spent testing variations of their pages, forms and special offers to optimize their site for conversions.  That’s the cool thing about money, you are free to spend it however you please.

They have a lot of calls to action, which is good.

I ended up going to Clarkson Eyecare, anyways.

They showed me a picture of my retinas, which was pretty crazy.  They also didn’t dilate my eyes to do that exam or blow air in my eyes for glaucoma testing.  I got a good deal on glasses, too, and the sales lady was really helpful.

Crappy website. Less crappy than most area competitors except maybe Crown Vision.

Good in-office experience.

I would, however, be willing to help along their online presence in exchange for say… Lasik.

</bribe>

Paying taxes is one of those things.

Death is another, apparently.

I propose we add a third “requirement”, punishable by taxes and/or death.  Every american must actively update their Amazon Wishlists.

We buy crap for people.

We like getting crap from people.

The process of communicating to others what you already have and what you currently desire is ridiculous.  There is all these unwritten political correctness loaded into the questions about what you want.

You can’t tell your rich uncle you really want his 2009 Lexus that he’s in a hurry to offload before the year turns 2010, even though it is the truth.

With completed wishlist, who knows what generous miracle of a gift you might end up with.

I hate guessing.  Maybe if I gave out mouse pads that said “Update your Amazon Wishlist or your getting a mousepad next year”, people would help me, help them.

Also, I hereby claim copyright on that idea, Amazon.com, contact me for through the comments for information on where to send royalty checks.  Thanks.

Record created on 2005-11-07 12:48:40.

Up until 40 days ago or so, this site was powered by ancient WordPress and about as useful as office space in Chernobyl.

Effectively no links exist to this site.

WordPress uses Akismet for filtering spam comments and this site is giving Akismet a breather.

My site has more actual comments than filtered spam comments.  If my goal were to actually develop an audience (rather than simply a 60 day challenge for generating content), I would be failing in a big way.

The lack of spam comments gives off a lot of clues that something is really wrong.

If you aren’t familiar with it, the show follows around homicide detectives from before they arrive on scene, through the first 48 hours of their investigation.

At the end, they typically update the case with “19 year old, Joe Smith was found guilty of 3 counts of murder.  He was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole”.

Joe Smith could have shot 2 or 3 people during a robbery, but when I see “without parole” I still cringe.  In some sick way, I’m hoping that Joe “the mass murderer” Smith has a change of heart in prison and wins an appeal at 80 years old and gets to see the world again.

I struggle with the idea of forever, even in the most ridiculous scenarios, like joe random gangster on a crime reality show.

It must be a sickness.

It’s easier to just not think about it.

That is a typical response when confronting any demon one might have.

It is easier to stay on one side of an issue and ignore any claims from the other side.

It is easier to get up in the morning and light that first cigarette, than it is to even consider life without them.

It is easier to post up on the couch and watch other people lead healthy, active lives than to incorporate those ideals in your own life.

Without some stimulus (not the Obama kind either), tomorrow is probably going to be a slight variation of today.  Procrastination is really mental inertia.  It is the momentum that is your habits that make up one’s typical daily life.

If today wasn’t what you want for yourself tomorrow, I suggest finding that external motivational force to nudge your status quo into something incrementally better.

Here’s my incremental improvement from 2 years ago or so.

I quit drinking regular soda because the math sucked.

one 20oz pepsi per day = 250 calories

Let’s say you burn off all the calories you eat in a day, except that one 20oz pepsi.

91,250 calories per year = 250 x 365

26 lb per year = 91,250 calories / 3500 calories per pound

I needed a lot of motivational forces to do 91250 calories worth of extra cardio.  So, I changed instead.

“Don’t worry, I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night …” .

He went to Princeton, therefore, he’s all knowing, I get it.

I only point out Frist because he touched an issue that affects me (UIGEA), but this is a common scenario with many congressman, I’m sure. (See Ron Paul, OB/GYN/Congressman)

He’s a christian, so he’s obviously a moral guy.  So moral and smart that he feels compelled to protect all of us heathens from ourselves.  Playing poker on the internet is for the devil.

Actually, if you play poker on the internet, “the terrorists win”.  Why else would the UIGEA be on the Safe Port Act?

The Titans had the best record in football last year and started 0-6.

The Patriots suck.

Brett Favre is 100 years old and playing lights out.

The Saints are one of the worst franchises in NFL history and sit at 13-0.

The Bengals are a lock for the playoffs.

There is craziness all over the league.  A team is amazing one year and not the next.

While all the other teams are experiencing ups and downs, the Rams have 1 win and will draft in the top 2 for the 2nd straight year.

Sports are interesting because any team can win on any given sunday.  When you already know the outcome week in and week out for 3-4 straight seasons, it’s just depressing.

Then, I will end up on an endless journey of reading forum posts and trying ridiculous suggestions just to get the software to build.  The problem is with my lack of understanding of the software because it is a tertiary need.

I don’t need VMware Server.

I need instances of IE6, IE7, IE8 and other Windows browser variations to test against.

I would love to learn all the magic that is virtualization, someday. For now, my need for virtualization is solely browser testing.

So, here is how my first attempt at using a legal/licensed Windows XP for IE6 virtual machine went down.

Downloaded and Installed VirtualBox 3

http://www.virtualbox.org/wiki/Downloads

Downloaded Windows XP SP3 image

http://www.microsoft.com/Downloads/details.aspx?FamilyID=21eabb90-958f-4b64-b5f1-73d0a413c8ef&displaylang=en

Installed qemu

sudo apt-get install qemu

Converted the VirtualPC image to a VMware image

qemu-img convert -f vpc WindowsXP-SP3-IE6.vhd -O vmdk WindowsXP-SP3-IE6.vmdk

Note: this step is probably wrong, but I intend to fix my VMware Server setup when I get a chance and Virtual Box is capable of playing nicely with vmdk images, so whatever.

Downloaded driver for virtual nic

http://www.amd.com/us-en/ConnectivitySolutions/ProductInformation/0,,50_2330_6629_2452%5E2454%5E2486,00.html

Created an ISO to load from virtual machine

mkisofs -r -o drivers.iso ~/downloads/xp_vm_drivers/

Booted up the virtual machine, installed the drivers, rebooted… Boom!

Lotsa issues.

But, I didn’t care, because I just wanted to see one page in IE6 long enough to deal with a css issue.

When bofe returns to noising up the internet (January 12, 2010), I fully expect an update to this post on how to set up a legal browser test environment for IE6 correctly.

The Linkbait and Switch-Hero Technique Checklist

1. Start a fight with a competitor in your client’s niche via Social Media using an account that does not directly communicate your relationship with that client publicly.

2. Publicize that encounter as a case study for other’s to take note. (blog post + tweets linking to post)

How NOT to Use Social Media for Your Pizza Business

3. Enter the conversation as “the hero” using your client’s social media account, pretending to be disgusted by the competitors negative reaction.

4. Update the initial blog post pronouncing your client as the hero including something actionable. (eg. Special Offer )

5. Monitor the comments closely. Do not approve any comments suggesting the truth.

Well played, Mr. Hanke.  Well played.

This card looks ridiculously straightforward, but I may be missing something.  Like most good journalists, I’m not going to do any research whatsoever and wing it.

B.J. Penn vs. Diego Sanchez

The main event for the lightweight belt is a crazy matchup.

Penn is so well-rounded and impressive in every skill.

Sanchez is a machine.  His losses are decisions to top-tier guys.

They are both absolutely insane.

Penn’s cardio is always mentioned as a possible flaw in his game.  If that’s the case in a 5 round fight versus a guy who has never been stopped, I’d be surprised.  No way his cardio isn’t way up there for this one.

I’m a homer.  I like BJ Penn.  I fully expect his post fight interview to go something like this:

Joe Rogan: “BJ, awesome performance.  Check out the Mickey’s ultimate replay screen and talk us through the end of the fight…”.

BJ Penn: “I love you god.  I love you fans.  Go to BJPenn.com [Penn jogs out of the cage]”

Penn by decision 48-47

Frank Mir  vs. Cheick Kongo

This seems like the worst matchup in UFC history.  Is there anyone in the world who thinks Kongo can beat Frank Mir?

Mir might box with him.  He might be a better boxer than he is, too. But, on the feet is Cheick’s only hope.

I see ligament damage in the near future.

Mir by submission, round 1

Kenny Florian  vs. Clay Guida

Clay Guida is a tough guy with a high motor.  He gave Diego Sanchez a run in a really interesting fight on Spike.

Florian is on a different level.

It is going to take extra damage to convince Guida to quit, but Florian’s elbows will do the trick.

Florian by TKO round 3

Jon Fitch vs. Mike Pierce

I’m 100% convinced that GSP is the only person who dominates Fitch at 170.

Pierce is kind of an unknown to me, but looking at his fight history tells me he doesn’t have Fitch’s experience.  He is also a wrestler, but I don’t think he has the edge there over Fitch.

Dominating Decision for Fitch.

Paul Buentello vs. Stefan Struve

Welcome back Buentello.  I don’t know if Paul can reach 6’11″ Struve’s face.

I have no idea in this fight, so it’s probably a lock.

Buentello by TKO Round 1

Here is the fast-forward through the rest of the card.

Alan Belcher vs. Wilson Gouveia

Shane Nelson vs. Matt Wiman

Johny Hendricks vs. Ricardo Funch

Rousimar Palhares vs. Lucio Linhares

Damarques Johnson vs. Edgar Garcia

Kevin Burns vs. T.J. Grant

Uneducated, random bolding of names.  That’s how the UFC puts their undercard together, so why not.

On July 19, 2006, a friend and I were headed west to play poker.  The World Series of Poker had started and there were going to be good games everywhere.  We had been counting down the days.

This was going to be my second time flying anywhere.  First trip west of Kansas City, Missouri.

Our flight was originally scheduled for 6:00pm.  We checked the board when we arrived around 4 and watched as it changed to 7pm due to delay.  Another hour, the agony.

We got through security and camp out by our gate.

The weirdness begins.

It started snowing in the terminal. Large blobs of what I’m pretty sure was insulation, came pouring out of every vent in the terminal.  It was insane.  No one had any clue what was going on and it lasted for like 10 minutes.

The windows in the terminal began flexing violently. Being a curious dumbass, I walked over to the windows and looked onto the runway to see sheets of debris flying around.

All the flights immediately get pushed back 2 hours. I go looking for an open outlet to charge my laptop and continue playing minesweeper.

“Get the fuck out!  Everyone, get to the fucking concourse.” says Mr. Clean’s twin brother, who happens to be a security guard at Lambert Airport.  I was confused at first.  Apparently, everyone else got the idea and took off sprinting out of the terminal. I walked, calmly and slowly.  I assumed there was a tornado nearby and how could I know if I was running away from it or towards it.  The only way Mr. Clean could have handled this situation worse would be to add “We’re all going to die!” to the end of his orders.  Somebody needs to revisit their orientation videos.

No power, no lights, 100 degrees fahrenheit. And everyone in the world is currently clueless and sweating. 480,000+ St. Louis area residents are without power.  Insanity ensues at Busch Stadium.  Apparently, this was a derecho series, which in my infinite meteorological ignorance, I haven’t even ever heard of.

Around 9pm, the first wave of the storm had passed and they started calling flights one at a time, through security to continue on.

LAX.

Denver.

Las Vegas!

Wow.  It was going to actually happen.  We survived ridiculousness and now we can move on.  My friend shows his boarding pass and ID to the TSA agent holding a flashlight in the still darkened concourse, he moves on to the screening area.  I handed her my pass and ID…

Son of a bitch! Some dude with a radio tried to ruin everything.  “What did you just call for?  Vegas? No. Send them all back. No.”, he tells the TSA girl before she handed my card and pass back to me.

We waited another 45 minutes before someone says over a megaphone, “Flight to Las Vegas… your flight has been canceled. Come back tomorrow and get your bags.  Our conveyor belts are down”.  Everyone from our flight goes insane, temporarily.

I have no car (we got dropped off at the airport).

All the hotels nearby are without power.

All the traffic lights in St Louis are flashing or off.

Wee!

It was really a scene from an apocalyptic movie.

We call American Airlines to reschedule our flight as soon as possible, my cell phone dies while on hold.  Another passenger who finished talking to an AA agent on a pay phone  passes that agent currently on the line to us.

The next flight to Vegas isn’t for 2 days. And it’s full.

Wait.

“Sir, your flight tonight hasn’t been cancelled”.

“Yes, yes it has. They announced it over the PA here an hour ago.  It’s canceled”.

“I’m sorry sir, but I’m seeing here that you flight is leaving at 11:15″, the customer service rep. tells us at 11:05.

We run from one end of the airport to the other.  Wade through a sea of a few hundred passengers. Get through security. Run down the terminal.

Our sold out flight to Vegas has approximately 30 passengers.

In-flight movie (Take the Lead) with complementary headset for our troubles.

Perfect.