“This message is for Tim.  Your [insert make/model] digital camera that you ordered through Amazon is out of stock.  Please call us back and let us know if you would like that digital camera in blue or red instead.  1-800-XXX-XXXX.” — 6ave.com

Does anyone else see the problem with calling shoppers in the middle of December and reciting what they ordered in the message they leave?

I ordered something on the internet, I would consider using the same medium to handle future customer service issues.

I was looking for an eye doctor in the St Louis area.

If you need a niche to sell some quality web work in STL, there it is.  Lotsa bad websites (see http://www.stlvision.com)

Clarkson Eyecare has a form to schedule an appointment from their website.  I filled out the form, including the field “best time to contact you”.

“after 5pm Mon. – Fri, all day Sat-Sun”.

Any guesses what time they called to schedule my appointment again?

11:41am.

The “schedule an appointment” form really just means send an email to schedule a sales call.  No big deal, but I am using their website.  If I wanted to schedule an appointment on the phone, I would have called them initially.

They may want to revisit their website soon.  I think they are missing out on a lot of business for various reasons.

Flash navigation. Yikes.

Accessibility issues galore on a site whose target audience includes those with visual impairments.

Bad marketese copywriting. Not rewritten for the web.

Conversion pages with high barrier of entry. All the forms are complicated.

I know they paid out the ass for those green-screened, auto-starting video monologues that I pause as soon as I can find the  button.  That money would be better spent testing variations of their pages, forms and special offers to optimize their site for conversions.  That’s the cool thing about money, you are free to spend it however you please.

They have a lot of calls to action, which is good.

I ended up going to Clarkson Eyecare, anyways.

They showed me a picture of my retinas, which was pretty crazy.  They also didn’t dilate my eyes to do that exam or blow air in my eyes for glaucoma testing.  I got a good deal on glasses, too, and the sales lady was really helpful.

Crappy website. Less crappy than most area competitors except maybe Crown Vision.

Good in-office experience.

I would, however, be willing to help along their online presence in exchange for say… Lasik.

</bribe>

Some things are unavoidable.

Paying taxes is one of those things.

Death is another, apparently.

I propose we add a third “requirement”, punishable by taxes and/or death.  Every american must actively update their Amazon Wishlists.

We buy crap for people.

We like getting crap from people.

The process of communicating to others what you already have and what you currently desire is ridiculous.  There is all these unwritten political correctness loaded into the questions about what you want.

You can’t tell your rich uncle you really want his 2009 Lexus that he’s in a hurry to offload before the year turns 2010, even though it is the truth.

With completed wishlist, who knows what generous miracle of a gift you might end up with.

I hate guessing.  Maybe if I gave out mouse pads that said “Update your Amazon Wishlist or your getting a mousepad next year”, people would help me, help them.

Also, I hereby claim copyright on that idea, Amazon.com, contact me for through the comments for information on where to send royalty checks.  Thanks.

I launched this domain a long time ago (4 years ago).

Record created on 2005-11-07 12:48:40.

Up until 40 days ago or so, this site was powered by ancient WordPress and about as useful as office space in Chernobyl.

Effectively no links exist to this site.

WordPress uses Akismet for filtering spam comments and this site is giving Akismet a breather.

My site has more actual comments than filtered spam comments.  If my goal were to actually develop an audience (rather than simply a 60 day challenge for generating content), I would be failing in a big way.

The lack of spam comments gives off a lot of clues that something is really wrong.

I have watched every episode of the First 48 on A&E.

If you aren’t familiar with it, the show follows around homicide detectives from before they arrive on scene, through the first 48 hours of their investigation.

At the end, they typically update the case with “19 year old, Joe Smith was found guilty of 3 counts of murder.  He was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole”.

Joe Smith could have shot 2 or 3 people during a robbery, but when I see “without parole” I still cringe.  In some sick way, I’m hoping that Joe “the mass murderer” Smith has a change of heart in prison and wins an appeal at 80 years old and gets to see the world again.

I struggle with the idea of forever, even in the most ridiculous scenarios, like joe random gangster on a crime reality show.

It must be a sickness.

It’s easier to just not think about it.

That is a typical response when confronting any demon one might have.

It is easier to stay on one side of an issue and ignore any claims from the other side.

It is easier to get up in the morning and light that first cigarette, than it is to even consider life without them.

It is easier to post up on the couch and watch other people lead healthy, active lives than to incorporate those ideals in your own life.

Without some stimulus (not the Obama kind either), tomorrow is probably going to be a slight variation of today.  Procrastination is really mental inertia.  It is the momentum that is your habits that make up one’s typical daily life.

If today wasn’t what you want for yourself tomorrow, I suggest finding that external motivational force to nudge your status quo into something incrementally better.

Here’s my incremental improvement from 2 years ago or so.

I quit drinking regular soda because the math sucked.

one 20oz pepsi per day = 250 calories

Let’s say you burn off all the calories you eat in a day, except that one 20oz pepsi.

91,250 calories per year = 250 x 365

26 lb per year = 91,250 calories / 3500 calories per pound

I needed a lot of motivational forces to do 91250 calories worth of extra cardio.  So, I changed instead.

A smart dude like Bill Frist can transplant hearts and lungs for a living, make a lot of money and poof, he’s qualified to help run our country.

“Don’t worry, I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night …” .

He went to Princeton, therefore, he’s all knowing, I get it.

I only point out Frist because he touched an issue that affects me (UIGEA), but this is a common scenario with many congressman, I’m sure. (See Ron Paul, OB/GYN/Congressman)

He’s a christian, so he’s obviously a moral guy.  So moral and smart that he feels compelled to protect all of us heathens from ourselves.  Playing poker on the internet is for the devil.

Actually, if you play poker on the internet, “the terrorists win”.  Why else would the UIGEA be on the Safe Port Act?

The Steelers lost to the Browns and Raiders.

The Titans had the best record in football last year and started 0-6.

The Patriots suck.

Brett Favre is 100 years old and playing lights out.

The Saints are one of the worst franchises in NFL history and sit at 13-0.

The Bengals are a lock for the playoffs.

There is craziness all over the league.  A team is amazing one year and not the next.

While all the other teams are experiencing ups and downs, the Rams have 1 win and will draft in the top 2 for the 2nd straight year.

Sports are interesting because any team can win on any given sunday.  When you already know the outcome week in and week out for 3-4 straight seasons, it’s just depressing.

I’ve been using VMware Server for a few years now and I usually have no issues with it at all.  Occasionally, when updating Linux kernels I will have issues rebuilding some of VMware’s modules.

Then, I will end up on an endless journey of reading forum posts and trying ridiculous suggestions just to get the software to build.  The problem is with my lack of understanding of the software because it is a tertiary need.

I don’t need VMware Server.

I need instances of IE6, IE7, IE8 and other Windows browser variations to test against.

I would love to learn all the magic that is virtualization, someday. For now, my need for virtualization is solely browser testing.

So, here is how my first attempt at using a legal/licensed Windows XP for IE6 virtual machine went down.

Downloaded and Installed VirtualBox 3

http://www.virtualbox.org/wiki/Downloads

Downloaded Windows XP SP3 image

http://www.microsoft.com/Downloads/details.aspx?FamilyID=21eabb90-958f-4b64-b5f1-73d0a413c8ef&displaylang=en

Installed qemu

sudo apt-get install qemu

Converted the VirtualPC image to a VMware image

qemu-img convert -f vpc WindowsXP-SP3-IE6.vhd -O vmdk WindowsXP-SP3-IE6.vmdk

Note: this step is probably wrong, but I intend to fix my VMware Server setup when I get a chance and Virtual Box is capable of playing nicely with vmdk images, so whatever.

Downloaded driver for virtual nic

http://www.amd.com/us-en/ConnectivitySolutions/ProductInformation/0,,50_2330_6629_2452%5E2454%5E2486,00.html

Created an ISO to load from virtual machine

mkisofs -r -o drivers.iso ~/downloads/xp_vm_drivers/

Booted up the virtual machine, installed the drivers, rebooted… Boom!

Lotsa issues.

But, I didn’t care, because I just wanted to see one page in IE6 long enough to deal with a css issue.

When bofe returns to noising up the internet (January 12, 2010), I fully expect an update to this post on how to set up a legal browser test environment for IE6 correctly.

This is a very sneaky internet marketing trick that some will employ to stir the pot, generate some hype and hopefully push a fraction of the crowd into doing something actionable.  It is fairly risky in the sense that you are dangling a client’s reputation on a thin thread for, in most cases, a marginal response.

The Linkbait and Switch-Hero Technique Checklist

1. Start a fight with a competitor in your client’s niche via Social Media using an account that does not directly communicate your relationship with that client publicly.

2. Publicize that encounter as a case study for other’s to take note. (blog post + tweets linking to post)

How NOT to Use Social Media for Your Pizza Business

3. Enter the conversation as “the hero” using your client’s social media account, pretending to be disgusted by the competitors negative reaction.

4. Update the initial blog post pronouncing your client as the hero including something actionable. (eg. Special Offer )

5. Monitor the comments closely. Do not approve any comments suggesting the truth.

Well played, Mr. Hanke.  Well played.